Not all

Not all are equal.

Not all are born with
the same destiny.

Not all are struggling,
some are exaggerating
their sillies.

Not all are lazily sailing,
some are hiding their
catastrophes in tattered smile.

Not all are equal.

Not all deserve to be
measured in the same unit.


Dear Poem

Dear poem,
I think I am not your poet
My eyes gaze into the infinity
to find nothing but blue sky
My skin falls onto the vasteness
to feel nothing but course sod

I think I might dry your soul,
which is thirsty for the eloquence of philosophy

Dear poem,
I think I am not your poet
My pen inks on the paper
to bleed nothing but bland words
My lines merely assemble words
that drive nothing but monotony

I think I might not adorn your spirit,
who is devoid of the beauty of rhythm and rhyme

Dear poem,
Forgive me for my inability,
I think I am not the justice you deserve,
I think I am not the poet you need!

A day to appreciate

We think we aren’t good enough, but we are the ones who hold the wall.

We think we are messed up, but our ideas are the ones that lights the dim plains.

We think we are voiceless, but it’s our silent roars that withstand the storm.

We think we are coward, but it’s our bravery that holds the eroding soil.

We think we are ugly, but it’s our warmth that homes a million sad forms.

We think we aren’t the leaders, but it’s our unsung effort that plasters the crevices.

We may be just unknown today,
but we are good enough.
Just like the roots hidden in the soil,
anchoring the shoot and it’s beautiful creation!

Optimistic Nihilism

The new year(2018) is 6 days old today, and nothing has changed. The wind is cold, the mornings are foggy and I am as usual snuggled in my cozy blanket. Couple of days ago, I happened to stumble upon a youtube video from Kurzgesagt(glad that I don’t have to pronounce this name so often).They presented an interesting philosophy called Optimistic Nihilism(Such heavy words are too heavy for my below average understandings of life) Eventhough, the term itself is way too complicated, but it’s philosophy is really simple.

What is optimism? It is something like you can make pizza out of every cheese or every train is headed to the right destination even if it is derailed! While nihilism in simpler terms can be like thinking of every glass as full of water infected with tons of bacteria.In other ways, life doesn’t offer anything and we are as worthless as the white crayon!!

And my ideology doesn’t fit well in any one category. I am someone who likes to believe in the fact that life sucks and it’s never rosy, but we can somehow make mends with the funny life and still survive. Neither I am an ultra optimist who jumps into any stupidity and expects a good result out of it nor do I think that there is nothing worthy about the life we live in.

In this time of dilemma, I came across this philosophy of Optimistic Nihilism. I have always found it hard to find a word to describe my philosophy about life and it’s meaning, and our existence in this small galaxy situated in the wide- wide infinity of the ultimate Universe.

So, this idea of optimistic nihilism kind of fits well with my conscience. I know that our life is finite, with no special purpose. Like all other being, one day we will all cease to breath and get mixed in the soils of Earth. Neither this Earth is more significant than any other planet nor is this milkyway galaxy the only relevant galaxy. Our existence in this Universe is as insignificant as any other entity surrounding us. But together, we all play a part in making this Universe complete. As Kurzgesagt says, we are the breathing-feeling part of our universe. Despite of our existential crisis, we can make the one life we have got meaningful for ourselves with some purpose. Everything will eventually end, so rather than cursing the life, we could just BREATH, LAUGH, SURVIVE!!

On a parting note I could say…

Maybe one day or one night,
in one of the places of the Earth,
under the same blanket of sky and stars,
our dreams will wither away;
our reality will cease to exist,
our familiar emotions will turn
alien to us;
and we’d grow apart from our own
Even in that shattering end,
wrapped in the nothingness of zero;
immersed in the hollowness of void,
my shining armour of smile and belief will never be broken!!


Trying to make sense with the gibberish thoughts.

Trying to abolish the intrusive thoughts.

Failing to understand my own inner world.

Bit by bit surfing against my consicence.

Oh wait! What CONSCIENCE?

356 days have passed, TRYING to fight the overwhelming fears and doubts that have been storming my head.

I am done figuring out things. I am terrible at it.

What am I going through rightnow is an incessant urge to leave everything and run away to a land with no expectations. With no baggage of known identity and memories.

To start new.

To breathe afresh.

To work without being stuck at the mistakes of the past and the cramps of the untold future!

Decembering my way!

Do you know what? 2017 is finally going to fuck off from our lives! 25 days more and I will be done with this hilarious year. Not that I am unaware of the fact that 2018 will be no less than a sequel. But come on, I have got to look at the cup which is gloriously empty after 4 shots of extra strong TATA tea( the Indian version of Earl Grey).

Though December should be ideally a very exciting month for me. Birthday, exams, christmas, barely sleepable vacation and I could catch up with some of my unfinished novels. The winter looks prospectful, isn’t it right ?

But I dislike Decembers for all the valid reasons.

Apart from nearing a year closer to the mighty death and all the adult shit, the saddest part about birthday and festival months are the unending expectations. Can I expect a surprise visit on my doors on the D day like all the romcoms? No. Will there be a overrated birthday party where I could get drunk? No. Nothing actually happens like the hyperromanticised middle class version of birthdays.
Also like zits on face,this time I would be burning my cerebrum with a never ceasing cabre of exams. What a cautiously planned calamity!!

Honestly birthdays are the time when I decieve people the most with well marinated juicy celebration stories. Very few people(including me & my beloved family) and you ofcourse, now, know that I don’t celebrate my birthdays. I give a small party to my classmates, that’s it, end of the celebration! I have stopped feeling special and pinning high hopes for a delusional dream. They never happen. It’s all in the children’s storybook, not in the “real” world.

People get excited about festivals and birthdays and anniversaries, but I am just the reverse of all. I go melancholic.I lost my dad 10 years ago, since then my birthdays have always been a day where the biting truth of his absence bothers me the most. Each year I am a step away from his memories and it sucks. It’s not that I had never tried to celebrate like all normal kids but somehow I never feel contented.

Okay minus my nostalgia, still this december looks exhausting to me. Couple of days ago, I got to know that the guy for whom I felt a little too much of a thing, actually likes someone else(silly me always). One sided things have always been toxic and surprisingly in my awkward life this toxin couldn’t have done any further damage.And I am back to my belljar phase!

But the good thing about melancholy is that both of my left and right hemispheres of brain are back into normal functioning. I think sadness somehow channels my inner Sylvia Plaths & Arundhati Roys into pretentious poetries and rants. I think more and more(not overthinking but the general thinking😂). I binge read books that have been licking dust and spiders, watch movies and shows from the forbidden folder.

And just decembering my way through the melancholy and comedy of life.

Thank you for being patient💛