Do you know what? 2017 is finally going to fuck off from our lives! 25 days more and I will be done with this hilarious year. Not that I am unaware of the fact that 2018 will be no less than a sequel. But come on, I have got to look at the cup which is gloriously empty after 4 shots of extra strong TATA tea( the Indian version of Earl Grey).
Though December should be ideally a very exciting month for me. Birthday, exams, christmas, barely sleepable vacation and I could catch up with some of my unfinished novels. The winter looks prospectful, isn’t it right ?
But I dislike Decembers for all the valid reasons.
Apart from nearing a year closer to the mighty death and all the adult shit, the saddest part about birthday and festival months are the unending expectations. Can I expect a surprise visit on my doors on the D day like all the romcoms? No. Will there be a overrated birthday party where I could get drunk? No. Nothing actually happens like the hyperromanticised middle class version of birthdays.
Also like zits on face,this time I would be burning my cerebrum with a never ceasing cabre of exams. What a cautiously planned calamity!!
Honestly birthdays are the time when I decieve people the most with well marinated juicy celebration stories. Very few people(including me & my beloved family) and you ofcourse, now, know that I don’t celebrate my birthdays. I give a small party to my classmates, that’s it, end of the celebration! I have stopped feeling special and pinning high hopes for a delusional dream. They never happen. It’s all in the children’s storybook, not in the “real” world.
People get excited about festivals and birthdays and anniversaries, but I am just the reverse of all. I go melancholic.I lost my dad 10 years ago, since then my birthdays have always been a day where the biting truth of his absence bothers me the most. Each year I am a step away from his memories and it sucks. It’s not that I had never tried to celebrate like all normal kids but somehow I never feel contented.
Okay minus my nostalgia, still this december looks exhausting to me. Couple of days ago, I got to know that the guy for whom I felt a little too much of a thing, actually likes someone else(silly me always). One sided things have always been toxic and surprisingly in my awkward life this toxin couldn’t have done any further damage.And I am back to my belljar phase!
But the good thing about melancholy is that both of my left and right hemispheres of brain are back into normal functioning. I think sadness somehow channels my inner Sylvia Plaths & Arundhati Roys into pretentious poetries and rants. I think more and more(not overthinking but the general thinking😂). I binge read books that have been licking dust and spiders, watch movies and shows from the forbidden folder.
And just decembering my way through the melancholy and comedy of life.
Thank you for being patient💛