Undressed, she stood there
Gazing the reflection of her soul
Naked without a tinge of covering
There were stripes everywhere
Silver grey purple
In all patterns possible
Felt ugly for the first time
In the thirteen years of life
There a girl was born with flaws
Flaws that were uninvited
Scars that didn’t have a story
Those stripes grew with her
Slowly the filth on her skin
became her soul bearer
She scratched & hugged them
In the moments of hate & love
On her off days, screamed to strip her skin off
And in the days of shine, she smothered them for making her unique
There she was, a girl who bore the tiger lines with pride and pain….
(This poem defines the struggle that I have endured to accept my soul my body)
Growing up in a world where external beauty is rated so high, a life of an average millenial girl becomes extremely tough. You hear woman crying over a mosquito bite on their face, you helplessly watch people throwing lakhs of money into the hands of cosmetologists for a fairer clearer skin. Open the page 3, you see plus sized kim kardashian topping the beauty charts. There is a so called world, craving for a perfect flawless life. From this arises the scrutinising eyes of body shamers looking out for their next prey. All my teenhood, I have had been fat shammed by some or other person. Always been on the plus side, I knew my life was gonna be in the hell of scrutiny forever. It didn’t matter if my size came from a wide set skeletal structure or the muscles or thr fat, but what roared unanimously loud was that “YOU ARE FAT. YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. SORRY KID, WE DON’T HAVE SHIRTS FOR YOUR SIZE.” I knew that I wasn’t that overweight to be considered in the obese zone. I was healthy, fit but a little on the plus side compared to my age kids. Well whatever the reason be, I never really gave eye to them. But you know the evils called puberty and growth hormone, I grew and grew . With puberty, came something complementary, STRETCH MARKS. Even before I could fully notice, there was my body covered with purple grey lines. The uninvited guest. No fat shaming has caused me so much distress as much as the plethora of lame questions from curious uneducated people did to me. For example “don’t you think stretch marks happen to pregnant woman? Or I guess you should wear full sleeves cause you know your arms don’t look nice like that? Or reading up an online bully’s jokes made on his girlfriend who has stretchmarks??So on and so far…
I have lived a fair amount of my life looking at the mirror and crying for something that I didn’t ask for. Lucky are those woman who grow yet don’t acquire a hint of stripes but I did. I cannot change that now. Ever body is different, blame it on the collagen, hormones or genetics. Every woman has her insecurities, this is one among my infinite list of insecurities. There was a time where I just wore full sleeves. There were times when I dreamt for a magical potion that could solve all my miseries. There are times where I just take a chill pill and give no fucks about the so called flaws. I still think about how will I be able to explain my flaws to someone whom I would bare my soul someday. Will he be able understand my struggles? Will he just mock my insecurities? Will he accept me the way I am? These thoughts sound mushy to many, but that’s how I am. I think an average girl goes through all these insecurities. There is no shame in admitting it.
I don’t want to advocate for every human, but one thing I know physical flaws in the longer run don’t matter. No one stopped me from getting into one of the prestigious colleges of the country because of my apparent physical flaw. I know my ability to work or to write or to sing or to dance or to dream or to imagine or sympathise with emotions are not hampered by an apparent physical flaw.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I judge people, no denial in that but probably I would judge for your lack of IQ or for your insensitiveness or for your uncalled arrogance. I might rate someone higher on looks but that doesn’t necessarily mean I consider that person better in everything.Looks matter to many, including me but how far can looks take a person ahead. Maybe 20-30% . Thats it.
You may say that I am saying all this because in this real “perfect world”, I am not perfect. Then let it be. In this fast moving 20 years of life I have learnt many things, one being I cannot change anyone’s mentality. Once a shallow person always remains a shallow person.!!!
Till then I hope my post makes someone feel good about themselves because I want to tell you “You are not alone”. Lets keep the fight on and spread body positivity. After all ,these flaws and imperfections are solely ours, they make us who we are. Special.😊❤